Peace...

I would give anything so that Shaunna and Hector could do this again. They live 5 minutes from the beach and it was their favorite place.

The funeral was yesterday, and today I can honestly say I am at peace.

I was the "point" person for the family. I was the one people were told to call if they had questions or wanted info for sending flowers/meals/$$/anything.

I was also the person that made the calls to everyone to tell them the news of Hector's passing.

I was gone everyday last week and my kids came home to an empty house every day. I checked in with them almost every hour or so, but still.

I would come home every night physically and mentally exhausted and would get kids to bed (if they were still up) and fall into bed only to do it again the next day.

I'm not complaining, I was happy to do it. I love Shaunna and Hector and I would give my life for them.

I just am now realizing today how neglected my own family has been. My house is a disaster!! I have something dead in my fridge and I can't find it, and I think my kids have been living off cheerios because they are all over the house! There is a pile of diapers by the front door (lovely to walk into that smell) and the trash is overflowing.

I am so grateful for Makenzy and Samantha for taking the "mother" role this past week for me. They did it without complaining and every call I made to them they said, "everything is fine mom, just worry about aunt Shaunna."

Shaunna and her children have a long hard road ahead of them, but they have been blessed with a wonderful ward/church, and extended family that will be there for them forever. How blessed she is to have such a support system.

Well enough saddness, reality is hitting me literally as my fingers are wiping dust from the keyboard with every letter I type. My screen, don't get me started, I think Kenzy wrote her name in the dust layers.

Two things I have learned, well already knew but am trying to apply to my life better:
* Remember to tell people you love them, don't wait.
* Don't let hurt feelings or arguments fester, resolve them now.

Struggling...

I'm having a hard time.

I know where we go after we die. I understand the Plan of Salvation and why we are here. I know that the after life is a better place and that that is why we are put on this earth to learn and be tested so that we can someday return "home".

I have always been at peace when someone dies, because of this understanding.

What I am struggling with is why Heavenly Father needs Hector more than his wife family need him here on earth?

My sister in-law has a very hard and long road ahead of her. If I could trade places with her I would. If I could take the pain away I would.

When Dave had his stroke last year, there was a short time there that I thought I was going to loose him, I was so scared. I had a glimpse into the life that Shauna is living right now, the life their kids will have to face without a dad.



I'm sorry I'm rambling on about this.

I'm not asking for answers.

I'm just writing how I feel.

Hector Torres 1971 - 2009

Last night we lost a very dear member of the Heisel family. Hector Torres, Dave's sisters husband had a heart attack last night while working out. He leaves behind his loving wife and 5 kids, the last being 2 months old.

We are heart broken for their little family, but are comforted in knowing that we will see him again someday.

Dave and I had the privilege of escorting the two of them to the Temple in January of this year to be sealed for eternity. What a wonderful day that was for them. The week after their sealing little Emily Pauline was born.

Hector, I will miss your smile and your contagious laugh. I will miss being competitive with you when we played dominoes. And speed scrabble just won't be the same, who will I argue with over whether the words are real?? You truly will be missed.

God be with you till we meet again...

8 Glorious Words...

"I think it's time I moved back home"

Yes it's true. Those 8 wonderful melodious words were what I heard this morning from my father in-law.

I was in shock, I wasn't sure I heard him right. Then I realized what he said and now I'm out right giddy!

These last 5 months have been the hardest months in my entire life. I have never been so stressed, so depressed, so helpless ever! I know it has taken a toll on my family as well.

This is why I had to take a break from blogging, my posts would have bordered on suicidal.

I do have to say though, Dave and I have grown closer and our communication is better than it has been in a long time. I guess we realized we needed each other as a support to get through it.

In the next 2 weeks he will be moving stuff back and getting the house ready for him to live in it. That is a whole other story, one I won't bore you with.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried. His wound, at this point needs to have a skin graft over the exposed tissue to finish the healing process. I can't do this for him, and I can't keep being his nurse and enabling him so that he doesn't move on. Does that make sense? If he doesn't get the graft his foot will have to be wrapped everyday for the rest of his life. He literally has exposed tissue that needs a cover. I will not do this forever! (even though I think he would be just fine with me doing it forever)

My fear is that when he moves back home he will stop taking his meds, his foot will get infected and it will have to be removed totally. I don't know if I can handle that kind of guilt, but I can't do everything for him. He is an adult and if it gets infected that will be because he made that choice to not take care of it. At some point he needs to take responsibility for his actions, he needs to grow up!

So here I am, giddy and truly happy for the first time in months.

I think Pinkberry is in order!

Update time...

I took a break from blogging for awhile and now that I am back I thought I would catch you up on things...

* Ben is STILL not potty trained. Turns out Makenzy is not the best trainer, she looses interest after the first day. Guess I won't be hiring her out :(

* Ben STILL is not talking. He has however added Walle, yeah and mom to his mumbling. At least I think that is what he is saying.

* My Father in-law is still living with us. But things are better now that he goes to work every day instead of sitting in front of the TV all day long. I have to say his welcome is wearing out.

* Water Polo is over for Sam, but Swim team is in full swing. She made the JV team and is the best swimmer of the butterfly on the team (she actually does it well to0). The schedule is not so hectic so that makes life easier for her and me :)

* I'm looking for a new look. I know I did this last year but never followed through because of things happening. So here I go again. Any suggestions????

Well there you have it, now I'm caught up.

The Bachelor...

OK, can we say Sloppy Seconds!?!?!?!?!

I will admit that I have not been watching this show this season (yes I have in the past) but this year I didn't. I did however watch the "Final Rose" and "After the rose" episodes tonight because I wanted to see what happened to Jason after he was dumped last season (which I watched faithfully) I really liked him.

Boy, it did not disappoint!!!

I could have cared less who he chose, although I was partial to Melissa (hmmm wonder why) But to pick Melissa, sleep with her, meet for secret rendevos, spend the holidays with her, let his son call her mom...(I can only imagine that was how it was) and then to dump her on national TV and tell her that he still loves Molly and wants to see if it could work!!!!

Give me a break!!!!!!!

I'm sorry, something is wrong with this guy. And there is something even more wrong with Molly for taking him back after he dumped her on national television, and then came crawling back to her telling her that he could not stop thinking about her. Molly wasn't even angry, she was still hopeful that he would dump Melissa for her (I know he did) but she still held a candle for him even when she thought they were still together. She didn't even hesitate to kiss him, she went right in and picked up where they left off.

Come on Woman, have you no dignity?????

It makes me wonder if he will ever find true love, or will he always be thinking of one of the other 20 girls he let go. His son will be married by the time he goes through that bunch and he won't need a mother by then :)